Personal I'm slowly building up a stand-up act

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Yuki Nakai's Eye

Yuki Nakai's Eye

Slow in the head, Quick in bed
Sep 2, 2015
1,964
3,223
And by slowly I mean a couple times a year inspiration will hit me and I'll have a line or two. Here's a sneak preview.

Joke #1: "I've had no luck with women lately. Even with all these dating sites and dating apps. eHarmony, Tinder, Coffee Meets Bagel, Bumble. You'd think I'd be able to find one desperate woman. But nope I'm stuck listening to my friends' stories about their conquests. You ever hear some guy complain about being cock blocked? I wish I was getting cock blocked!"

Joke #2: "So i was breaking up the ice block that had been forming in my ice maker with a knife and I thought to myself 'I think I understand the appeal of serial killing'
 
Hauler

Hauler

Been fallin so long it's like gravitys gone
Feb 3, 2016
49,624
61,692
I was gaming online and someone that was over my place was leaving so I said "See ya later". One of the younger guys in the game - we were in the pre-game launch at the time so everyone was in there - said "Oh no, you leaving Alco?" And I was like "Huh?". He goes on "I thought I heard you say 'see you later' ". I respond "I was just saying goodbye to someone over here."

He goes "Oh, ok. Cool"

Then I say "By the way, your mom will be home in about 5 minutes"

The room erupted with laughter. The game starts, my entire team keeps laughing. The game ends, we get back to the pre-launch room and their team is still laughing. You sort of had to be there. The timing was perfect.

What I'm trying to tell you is this - stick with mom jokes.
 
SongExotic2

SongExotic2

ATM 3 CHAMPION OF THE WORLD. #ASSBLOODS
First 100
Jan 16, 2015
43,302
55,862
OPs jokes remind me of his mothers resistance to crack!



Very weak!
 
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